Planning a wedding involves many important decisions – and one of the most personal (and sometimes, most difficult!) is choosing your bridesmaids.
These special friends and family members will stand by your side on one of the biggest days of your life. But how do you decide who to choose? How many should you have? And what are the best ways to ask them?
If you’re currently trying to navigate your way through bridesmaid territory, read on for our ultimate guide to picking your bridesmaids, including all of your common FAQs answered.
Should I Have Bridesmaids?
Bridesmaids can play a crucial role in supporting you throughout your wedding planning journey – and of course, on the day itself. From helping you choose a dress to providing emotional support and planning the perfect bachelorette party, having bridesmaids can definitely make your wedding experience more joyful and less stressful.
With this in mind, having bridesmaids can potentially lead to conflicts amongst the group (if there are disagreements amongst the bridesmaids) and some added complexity when it comes to managing different schedules, budgets and responsibilities.
In most cases, the benefits of having bridesmaids far outweigh the cons, but be sure to take this into consideration!
How Many Bridesmaids Should I Have?
There’s really no set rule for the number of bridesmaids you “should” have. Consider the size of your wedding, your budget, and the number of close friends and family members you want to include.
If you’re planning an intimate wedding or elopement, a smaller bridal party of just 1-2 of your closest friends can be better suited. But if you’re throwing a large celebration, you may want to include more of your loved ones.
Your budget is another factor to consider when choosing how many bridesmaids you should have. Typically, the couple is responsible for paying for (or partially covering) the bridal party attire, hair and makeup, and gifts. If you’re on a tight budget for your wedding, it may be more practical to opt for fewer bridesmaids.
Read our guide on who pays for what bridal party costs here!
Is It Okay to Have an Uneven Number of Bridesmaids and Groomsmen?
Absolutely! It’s perfectly okay to have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Your wedding should reflect your preferences and relationships, rather than being dictated by strict “traditions”.
If you’re concerned about symmetry, there are some creative ways to balance the processional and recessional. You can have one groomsman walk down the aisle with two bridesmaids (or vice versa), or simply have your bridesmaids walk down individually.
And when it comes to your wedding portraits, your photographer will be able to guide you on the best way to capture the group without throwing off the balance of your photos.
Do I Need to Have a Maid of Honor?
Having a maid of honor is traditional, but not mandatory! If you have a close friend or relative who you feel deserves this honor, go for it. But if choosing a maid of honor will cause tension (or if you’d prefer not to single anyone out), you can opt to have bridesmaids only with no specific maid of honor.
How Should I Choose My Bridesmaids?
When it comes to choosing your bridesmaids, start by reflecting on your closest relationships and the people who have been significant in your life. This could include relatives like sisters and cousins, or simply your dearest friends.
Remember, your bridesmaids will essentially be your support group leading up to your wedding. You’ll want to choose people who have been there for you through thick and thin, and who will bring joy and positivity to your wedding planning journey!
You may also want to consider the practical side of things, too – such as choosing reliable people who are available to take on the responsibilities of being a bridesmaid, and considering how different personalities will mesh.
Is it Okay to Have a Male Bridesmaid?
Of course! There are no limits on who you can have in your bridal party. If you have a close male friend or relative, feel free to include them as a “bridesman” or man of honor.
What if I Have Too Many Close Friends?
If you have too many close friends to include as bridesmaids, consider other ways to involve them in your wedding. They can perform a meaningful reading at your ceremony, act as your MC, or help with other special tasks.
How Far In Advance Should I Choose My Bridesmaids?
Ideally, you should ask your bridesmaids around 8-12 months before the wedding. This gives them enough time to plan and participate in pre-wedding activities, while also ensuring they can be available on your big day.
Do I Have to Ask Someone Who Asked Me?
Although it may feel awkward, you are definitely not obligated to ask someone to be your bridesmaid just because they asked you to be theirs. Your wedding should reflect your current relationships, and who you want by your side on your special day.
What if Someone Declines to Be a Bridesmaid?
If someone declines to be a bridesmaid, be understanding and gracious. There could be several reasons they aren’t able to commit, such as financial constraints or scheduling conflicts. Although your feelings may be hurt, it’s important to respect their decision. You can also consider involving them in a different capacity (if they’re open to it).
How Can I Include Long Distance Friends?
Friends who live in a different state or country can still be bridesmaids, but communication will be key! Use video calls and group chats to keep them in the loop, making sure they still feel involved in the process.
Do I Have to Include My Future Sister In Law?
Including your future sister-in-law as a bridesmaid isn’t obligatory, but it can definitely be a nice gesture. If you’re genuinely close and you want her to be part of your day, include her. If not, consider another way to involve her, such as asking her to do a reading or to witness your ceremony signing.
How Many Bridesmaids Are Too Many?
There’s no magic number for how many bridesmaids are too many, but it’s important to consider the logistics. More bridesmaids means more coordination and undoubtedly a higher cost! Make sure you can comfortably manage the number of people you choose, without adding any unwanted stress to your planning.
How Do I Deal With Upset Friends or Family Members?
After you’ve chosen your bridesmaids, you may have certain friends or family members who are upset about not being included. It’s natural to worry about hurt feelings when making such a personal choice – but at the end of the day, it’s just not possible for everyone in your life to be a bridesmaid!
If someone is upset that you didn’t ask them to be a bridesmaid, approach the situation with empathy and understanding. Simply have an honest conversation explaining your decision, and emphasizing that it was a difficult choice. Make sure you express how much they mean to you, and consider some other ways to involve them in your day.
What if My Bridesmaids Don’t Get Along?
Bringing together a group of people from different parts of your life can sometimes lead to a clash in personalities! To mitigate this, it can be helpful to encourage your bridesmaids to get to know each other before the big day. Organize some fun group activities, coffee dates or dinners to help build camaraderie.
If conflicts arise, remind your bridesmaids that their primary role is to support you. If they truly value your friendship, they should set aside their differences for the sake of your happiness.
What Will My Bridesmaids Actually Do?
Your bridesmaids will typically assist you with pre-wedding tasks, plan your bachelorette party, and provide emotional support leading up to the big day. On the day itself, they’ll get ready with you, stand by your side at the altar, and keep you calm and stress-free.
Read our ultimate guide to wedding party roles and responsibilities here for an in-depth breakdown!
How Should I Ask My Bridesmaids?
There are several ways to go about asking your friends and family members to be your bridesmaids. You can:
- Write a handwritten letter explaining how much they mean to you, and why you want them to be a part of your day.
- Create a bridesmaid “proposal box” filled with goodies and a personalized card to pop the question.
- Make a mini photo album including some of your favorite memories together, with the last page including a card asking them to be a bridesmaid.
- Host a special “bridesmaid brunch” with all of your bridesmaids, and ask them together.
The options are endless! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy – simply share your appreciation for their friendship and why they’re so important to you. Find 22 creative ideas for proposing to your bridesmaids here.
Looking for more wedding planning tips? Read our step-by-step guide on exactly what to do after getting engaged!